Once Upon a Frivolous Flowergirl
by The Cinnamon Chaos
Summary: Darian has unresolved issues and takes up the art of cloning. Serena becomes confused when two moonlight Knights are fighting over her. Luna has no choice but to give Serena the magickal moon hairbrush, with its powers to slice, dice and cook homemade veg


Once upon a frivolous flowergirl, Darian a.k.a. the Moonlight Knight was sitting in front of his computer screen studying the art of cloning. He had been having dreams about being the Moonlight Knight and saving Sailor Moon for weeks now. And he still had no idea what it meant. The dreams were so real Were they real? He didn't know.  
  
Darian had just finished printing out a do-it-yourself-cloning experiment when his computer exploded in his face. Thousands of tiny pixies flooded out of the computer screen singing, "Joy to the World, the clams have come!" Darian became confused and began swatting at the pixies with a baseball bat.. During a clumsy moment, he managed to knock himself over the head with the bat. He fell on the ground, unconscious. The pixies saw their opportunity and took possession of Darian's mind. The pixies were rather disappointed when they discovered Darian had no brain. However, he did have a rather obnoxious fire breathing elf tied up beneath his bed. The pixies saw their situation and began to plot to make scheming schemes that involved plotting plans.  
  
* * *  
  
Serena woke up the next morning in a strange apartment building, her clothes burning on the floor, her hair in French braids, and a tattoo on her arm that read, "I'm your burger!". She saw the situation and immediately asked herself, "What was I smoking last night?"  
  
Luna crawled up the fire escape and through the open window. She was a recently groomed cat with a gold moon on her forehead and the strange ability to speak. "Look what you've done now!" Luna screeched. "I swear, if you have one more escapade like this I'm going to puke in your mouth again!"  
  
"You can't puke on me, Luna!" said Serena. "Because I don't feed you anymore. You're too damn fat. By the way, I'm sick of smelling your breath while you sit there and waste oxygen!"  
  
Luna attacked Serena with her claws. Serena had no time to react before Luna ripped her nose off. Serena smacked Luna and she keeled over. Then Serena grabbed her nose and began sewing it back on. Luna stood up and began howling at the ceiling. Suddenly a chandelier fell on her and she exploded into a mass of fur.  
  
When Serena was finished sewing on her nose she extinguished her clothes and put them on. Luna was in the process of reconstructing herself when a duck flew in and ate her. Serena laughed so hard that hair caught on fire.  
  
Serena left the apartment building with her head still aflame. People looked at her strangely as she walked down the street. She grew tired of their odd stares, so she pulled a semi-automatic shotgun out of her underwear and blew them to smithereens. Suddenly the duck pooped and Luna fell out of the sky, covered in poultry feces. (Eww right? Get over it.)  
  
When Serena got home, Amy and Mina were there waiting for her.  
  
"We've got Sailor trouble!" said Amy. "Rae's constipated and it won't come out!"  
  
Mina was frantic. "If Rae doesn't poop we could all die!"  
  
"How?" asked Serena.  
  
"Because if Rae doesn't poop then the aliens will think we are a very unevolved species and will proceed to do strange things involving laser peas from hell with gnashing teeth, fire-breathing nostrils and odd tentacles growing out of their eyes. And if that happens I won't be able to get my nails done and that will cause a chain reaction that will blow up forty-seven airliners that supply major chemicals to Guatemala!" Mina screamed.  
  
"I hope I get an A on my English test," said Amy  
  
"Who cares?" Serena demanded.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Mina screamed and exploded.  
  
"Well that's that," said Amy. Then she pulled out a coquet mallet and knocked herself senseless. A herd of rancid pedestrians trampled Amy so hard that she farted. The gas that emanated from her unwashed buttocks was so terrible that it knocked out power for a three mile radius. No one cared.  
  
"It's time for Sailor Moon!" shouted Serena.  
  
Serena raised her little music box thing and started laughing. Lots of strange lights shot out of the box, she danced around like an idiot, blah, blah, blah, things happened, blah, blah, blah.  
  
Sailor Moon stood in full uniform. She began running until she hit a parked car.  
  
* * *  
  
Alen and Anne joined the bowling league.  
  
During the first game, Anne was throwing the ball at people because she didn't understand the concept of bowling and she was very upset after losing her pacifier to an angry Chinese chicken cook.  
  
Alen bowled a strike when suddenly, Sailor Neptune burst out of bathroom carrying a chain gun. Anne screamed and wet her pants. Alen took the liberty to eat a Snickers bar without opening it. He began choking on the cellophane. Sailor Neptune began blowing everyone's brains out with the chain gun. Anne rushed to give Alen the Heimlich maneuver. When she did, the Snickers bar shot out of Alens mouth like an angry bullet. The Snickers bar hit Sailor Neptune in the head and gave her a concussion. She became so confused that she shot a hole in the ground, causing a water main to explode. The bowling alley began to flood with water. The water flooded out of the building and created a tidal wave.  
  
* * *  
  
The aliens were having car trouble. Musafusalusa, the alien commander, accidentally spilled coffee on the control system, causing their flying saucer to spin wildly out of control and also causing the android servants to grow mechanical hormones and begin hitting on the crew. All was in chaos.  
  
* * *  
  
Serena arrived at Rae's house driving a parked car. She rushed to the bathroom to find Lita savagely beating Rae with a plunger. Serena thought it was so funny that she laughed hysterically. Luna arrived on the scene as well and she was carrying something in her mouth. It was a hairbrush.  
  
"Serena take this!" Luna shouted. She threw the hairbrush to her and Serena caught it in her teeth. "It's the Moon Hairbrush! It has the magickal power to perform laser surgery and cook homemade vegetables!"  
  
"Thank God!" said Serena.  
  
Suddenly, the Moonlight Knight burst into the room. This scared Rae so badly that she finally took a crap, right there in front of everyone. The smell was so horrible that Luna and the Moonlight Knight keeled over and died.  
  
Mina's cat Artemis suddenly walked in the room. Like Luna, Artemis was also a talking cat. Artemis had been having trouble lately because he found his father was a transvestite hooker and his mother was a man. Artemis saw the scene and immediately took action. He keeled over and died.  
  
Lita thought this was so funny that she shoved the plunger over her head and began playing hide and seek with her thumbs. Then she transformed into Sailor Jupiter. She used her lightning powers on the plumbing system, causing the toilet to explode. Rae was still sitting on the toilet when this happened. Rae soared sky high and was then hit by a pedestrian tied to a kite.  
  
Then, another Moonlight Knight entered the room. Followed by another. Then came three more.  
  
"What the hell is happening?" Serena demanded. "Who are you people?"  
  
Serena tried to rip the mask off one of the Knights, but she accidentally ripped off his whole head. The other Knights began laughing hysterically. Two of them caught on fire. Now there were only two Moonlight Knights.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" said Sailor Jupiter. "They're clones! Or is that drones? Stones? Roads? What the hell is the word? GOD DAMMIT!" Sailor Jupiter screamed so hard that she ovulated. Then Rae fell out of the sky and fell into the toilet. Sailor Jupiter reached in to help her but accidentally fell in herself. Serena thought she would be funny and flushed the toilet. Lita and Rae went "Glub Glub."  
  
The two Moonlight Knights began fighting over who was the real one. Serena saw the problem and immediately saw a solution. She raised the Moon Hairbrush into the air and created a homemade vegatable dinner. The Moonlight Knights were so shocked that they reproduced.  
  
Suddenly a huge tidal wave came rushing into the bathroom. Riding on the tidal wave were: Alen and Anne, the demonic pixies, the fire-breathing elf, and Sailor Neptune. Sailor Neptune raised her chain gun high and hit herself over the head with it. Alen tried to summon a Cardigan but accidentally cut of his hand. Anne mistook the broken toilet for an apple bobbing tub and stuck her head in it. This caused her teeth to become radioactive. The fire-breathing elf used his powers to incinerate Alen's hair. The pixies began to perform Hamlet. Alen threw his hand at Serena and she was knocked unconscious. Anne breathed and the pixies mutated. They mutated into vegetables. Alen ate himself and died. Anne breathed and he came back to life. Anne ate Alen and he died again. The elf began researching a cure for cancer. The elf caught bipolor disease. The elf was happy. The elf was sad. The elf was happy. The elf was sad. The elf died.  
  
The alien spacecraft crashed into Earth and the Earth exploded into three piece, killing everyone. The Russians tried to bomb the world, but they were dead and there was no Earth so it really put a damper on their plans.  
  
Oh by the way, Anne breathed and the world exploded.  
  
THE END!!!!!!  
  
WE HOPE! 


End file.
